silent, minor, grave

i am here
to be protective
which is why
i offer you
a silent film
one that has been
falling apart
within clarity’s
most disgraceful finalisation
as i neared the YOU
of culminations.
your doubtful ashes.
in the summer of 2021 you remained
as a completist poppy
full and whole,
entirely
against your inner wishes
coordinating
seven thousand hidden
genres
that originate
from privacy
as their most perturbed root:
there is not a Teresa of Ávila,
in either of us,
as the present moment shows
but she did fell in love
and that is
our consolation
deflection, a look away,
is not enough
i can only invite the reader
into the force with which
you pushed me home
as i filmed
this
in accepting namelessness
you have embraced
something terrible.
i will shy away
from your
name
and sound
in this film
my affinity
for you
is a source
(of resigned courage)
of resignabilty

then, out of a long silence:
why didn’t you garden more!
which assisted me
in my first-ever
wilful imposition

is this why
the poppy’s colours
kept bleeding
so viciously
and vengefully
into the dark chamber
of my camera?